11.14.10 [found]
My mold has been interchangeable since the beginning. And although the beginning was long ago, I feel as though my stationary has finally ripped off its bind. Heavy rain interrupted the standstill ….. Never in my life have I felt so much fear… and here I am coping in the wildest ways. In this halt, how was I to react? The world is fast tracking right before my eyes, and I’m nothing but a speck. Reality was so imminent ; sleep is pending. I was wrong since the start. Tiny efforts with no immediate effects in this world. I finally understood when the actuality sunk into my hollow eyes these last few weeks. Carpet ripped up right from under me. Everything is easily eluded, and here I am believing there was a chance on every peak. Baffling, because it’s all misconception and credulous on my part. The world and their problems swayed me so easily…..And for once, my heart was fully in for the next step. I love my mother. I know what I’ve done, I know what I’m doing. Except, it is finally clear that I no longer wanted to be a speck; I have to make something out of this strange, bereft life. I need the journey, I need proof.
