k a m m y n x

I wonder if I ever caught someones attention. Even if I was just walking among the crowd, I wonder...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 22:27:03 -0700

I wonder if I ever caught someones attention. Even if I was just walking among the crowd, I wonder if they wanted to get to know me or anything like that.

143

Sat, 08 Dec 2012 20:17:19 -0800

I’ll stray away from being vindictive, because my heart swells too much.

Enough. I need to save myself first before I try saving anyone else.

concurrent.

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 06:06:00 -0700

Everything runs cyclically in accord with circumstances and needs, whether we want it or not. Once in a while, you’ve got to just be in pain before delving in bliss.

So I stopped fighting it……

These days have been strangely quaint, yet solitude has my mind creating scenarios out of air. Though my process goes: breathe // dismiss the scenarios

My mind is constantly rummaging through bins of poignant agonies and memories. It’s been a while, taking a dip of what I used to experience….but process brings me back.

_____

~~I’ll be in between topics. Don’t mind.~~

I’m drawn to those without a closed mouth. Spewing their tripe and engaging my ears. And I let it be, I just listen, disregarding the need to speak. Their ramblings kept the order in my sporadic psyche. Perhaps, I’m just that much of a bore, that I find myself almost living vicariously through their tripe. Hell, I lived on that tripe. I lived on nothing but laughter and exchange.

The idea of connecting with others is maddeningly elusive… ingenuity is constant, and others like the spotlight. I’m earnest in attempts (or perhaps, not enough) Yet at the same time, preconceived notions strained the credibility. I’m fearful for this heart, but only casual engagement will suffice the gap for now.

~~Listless~~

___________

01. Family
02. Friends
03. Humor
04. Love

Time and distance has created this discordance within me about what truly matters. The more I’m caught up in my own life, I began to lose touch with everything else. No one understands how seriously I take my relationships and family and I miss everyone terribly.

I have this abundance of unconditional love. And honestly, it could be for just about everyone….I’m daft, I know.

Lack of phone calls and messages have been messing with me…

______

~~I want to be passionate about something or someone again.~~

fuel

Sun, 02 Oct 2011 03:12:00 -0700

Constantly wanting to be galvanized with just the company of myself…. But why is a more involved life the aphrodisiac of my deeper passion? I run into one thing, void it due to too much hunger, and gnaw my lips raw at the impending possibilities of everyday. Where am I going wrong? Where’s the fire?

I miss dancing, film, overwhelming passion and the genuinity in the people I met back home.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll do something more differently with the routine.

11.14.10 [found]

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 22:37:00 -0700

My mold has been interchangeable since the beginning. And although the beginning was long ago, I feel as though my stationary has finally ripped off its bind. Heavy rain interrupted the standstill ….. Never in my life have I felt so much fear… and here I am coping in the wildest ways. In this halt, how was I to react? The world is fast tracking right before my eyes, and I’m nothing but a speck. Reality was so imminent ; sleep is pending. I was wrong since the start. Tiny efforts with no immediate effects in this world. I finally understood when the actuality sunk into my hollow eyes these last few weeks. Carpet ripped up right from under me. Everything is easily eluded, and here I am believing there was a chance on every peak. Baffling, because it’s all misconception and credulous on my part. The world and their problems swayed me so easily…..And for once, my heart was fully in for the next step. I love my mother. I know what I’ve done, I know what I’m doing. Except, it is finally clear that I no longer wanted to be a speck; I have to make something out of this strange, bereft life. I need the journey, I need proof.

Photo

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 22:21:03 -0700

0 isn't 1

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 22:22:00 -0800

With all the whiplash attempts, I’m finally forwarding, and there IT is ….that..which is tantamount to felicity and all her energy. All I wanted was to move forward, love wholeheartedly (again), meet positive associates, let go of the swelling in the back of my mind, and defy time.

Action, reaction.
Evolve, not advance.

17.

Wed, 15 Dec 2010 21:24:00 -0800

Nothing of the sort should have to void this dawning moment of our spurs; As sharp as it all can be, I found myself treading about , warped…..stretched around the particles, and if I were to be touched, I think I’d dissolve into molecules. Nothing could replace. Nothing could replace you, any of you. But nothing will ever show. Nothing best to be dead…
Here we are, words, in this pact. Gutless show, dreary eyes. Kept me from the high, kept me from the lows. You don’t need somebody to adore.

curves, lines, & intersecting points.

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 01:37:00 -0700

There I am thumbing through all the essential queues and glorification for these/those days. And if it weren’t for the exaltation and eventful to-be(s), I’d be stirring in this deep demur at the digits that waver all my decisions. It wasn’t just that….even the obliged amount put in wasn’t enough, I admit…I haven’t been on my toes lately, which is all the more reason I need to put in a more proper exchange. With all the more to admit, the monotony has ceased, leaving sleep indubitably, days are advancing at involute speeds, everything within and outside was reciprocated. And for once, I was committed. My heart is in, setting aside all those inhibitions and gnawing realism. I don’t want us on a tangent, because I’d rather us on a straight line, or intersecting at every chance.

Keep moving.

21

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 08:58:00 -0700

There will be days when I find myself lost, others I feel completely stranded in the best place, someday I want to find a ‘right’ feeling for all the times I’m awake…

"Status quo, you know, that is Latin for the mess we’re in."

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:46:13 -0700

““Status quo, you know, that is Latin for the mess we’re in.””

^(c) Photo - John Counts ________________ Subject:...

Thu, 20 May 2010 22:55:00 -0700

^(c) Photo - John Counts

________________

Subject: (other/before/now/later)

I’m trying to think about that last moment before my thoughts will disperse into the air…blending, blending, blending with the rest of the pollution and broken molecules. My latter and currents aren’t clean anyways, so here’s a contribution to our waste. I feel like Big Brother is watching, taking sips out of his soda, sour face, lid off, and there sits our nasty memories. Not just that, those old, acquaintance-friends-family-classmates portraits with the tiny, faded writings on the back….you know, the ones that bring multiple nostalgia and late affectivity? Yeah, let’s either phone them, hide them, or throw it all away…..

I’m no good..

_____________________________________________
Subject: (a different other/now/before/later)

All my life, I’ve been so apt to think about the otherworldly…
No, not just that…..even the pathetic contenders in this maze. It’s baffling when my strings pull for the powerless, or how I relate. Like Radley, staring out the window, while you’re in constant crutch and trying to figure out your crucial end to all pains. You’re aging, while I’m growing. But get this, if you hurt, then I’ll hurt along too.

______________________________________________
(Subject: Hidden)

I’m trying to stray away from my superstitious paradigms and hidden thoughts about platitudinous ideas of romance. Then again, cynics against romances? Fuck it, I want to dream, if anything, let me feel whole again…

Hey, that’s not a cigarette!

Mon, 10 May 2010 17:26:00 -0700

Hey, that’s not a cigarette!

Photo

Tue, 04 May 2010 20:19:00 -0700

Photo

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 02:49:00 -0700

comes without effort...

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 02:00:00 -0700

superscribed to everyone..
I’m nothing without you. I’ve noticed, nothing is best alone…And when I try to fight it with a single hand, it comes with a daunting affect…. enveloping …besieging….devouring me whole, because it’s where the missing hits hardest, when I know I’ll miss you. Whenever I try to evade the actual formality, I end up in another circumvent ; you know my words are inert….disregarded and reinstated…..and no matter how much I try to prove my potency, it fails….just as much as my own eye aversion….”Mutual gaze narrows the physical gap between humans”….I’m wondering where I’m going wrong…..

eat that up, it's good for you.

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 01:20:23 -0700

Take everything…..take it now….
even though tomorrow, it won’t even be enough.

moving

Sat, 27 Mar 2010 01:23:00 -0700

“

to think that one’s action could please the masses is indeed a notion bound in irony;

someone will inevitably find something wrong in almost everything.

so do what it is that you do best and remember to have enough tolerance for two.

“

"In other cultures, time is cyclical, it’s seen as moving in great, unhurried circles, it’s always..."

Mon, 22 Mar 2010 19:15:00 -0700

“In other cultures, time is cyclical, it’s seen as moving in great, unhurried circles, it’s always renewing and refreshing itself, where as in the West, time is linear, it’s a finite resource. It’s always draining away, you either use it or lose it…I think what that does to us psychologically is it creates an equation: time is scarce, so what do we do? Well, we speed up, don’t we? We try and do more and more with less and less time, we turn every moment of every day into a race to the finish line, a finish line incidentally that we never reach…”

- Carl Honore

Nothing can be beautiful. Let’s get started…

Mon, 22 Mar 2010 19:08:00 -0700

Nothing can be beautiful.

Let’s get started…